


Fitting

by InconspicuousPseud



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, basically no plot just angst, enjoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 18:30:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13370616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InconspicuousPseud/pseuds/InconspicuousPseud
Summary: Blue Diamond's Pearl contemplates loss.





	Fitting

Blue Diamond's temple was never quiet before the end of the war.

 

There was always something to be done. Somewhere to go. There were gems coming and going, communicators buzzing, a steady hum of activity that, after cycles in the silence of space, sounded like home. 

 

Now, the only sound in Blue Diamond's halls were that of her own anguish. 

 

"Pearl, come here," Blue Diamond called through her tears. 

 

It wasn't until Blue Diamond extended her hand to the floor that Pearl believed she had actually heard her correctly. That she hadn't imagined it. Blue Diamond so rarely wanted anything from her at all. There were no menial tasks to assign her. There was no song that could comfort her. The simple luxuries a pearl could provide meant nothing to her anymore. 

 

Sometimes, she thought that Blue Diamond forgot she existed.

 

Sometimes, it felt like she didn't exist. 

 

Pearl shoved those thoughts out of her mind. This was not one of those times. Her Diamond wanted her now. That was all that mattered.

 

She had to step through shallow puddles to reach her. When she did, Blue Diamond raised her up to the level of her gem. Tears had fallen even there, leaving trails of wetness on the smooth surface. 

 

The gem was taller than Pearl herself, but she brushed at some of the larger drops. Blue Diamond's breath hitched. Like her touch had snapped her out of a numbed stupor. Pearl rested her cheek against the diamond. An attempt to comfort. An attempt to brace herself for what she knew was coming. 

  
She closed her eyes against the harsh blue light. Squeezed them tighter when an ancient memory began to play behind them. 

 

_"Come with me. Please."_

 

_White was holding her arm. Desperation etched on her face. Yellow had already left, dragging Pink along with her. "You're cracked," She had said. "And I'm not letting her listen to this."_

 

_Pearl returned White's grip. She didn't want to leave. She didn't want White to leave. More than anything, she couldn't understand why she was imploding her life and theirs over the ravings of a defective Quartz._

 

_"I can't," Pearl whispered._

 

_White slowly nodded. Like she had known the answer before Pearl ever spoke. "I... I don't think we'll see each other again."_

 

_"I know."_

 

_White squeezed her arm. Let go._

 

_And then, she was gone._

 

When Pearl opened her eyes, her tears were sliding down Blue Diamond's gem, mixing with those of her Diamond until they merged into a single drop. 

 

* * *

 

 Pearl saw one of the corrupted. Just once.

 

The little purple thing was sniffing at the sand like an animal. It probably needed to. Its face had a pushed in snout and a mouth filled with teeth, but no eyes. It had four legs and no arms, and a tail that flicked through the air as it walked. The gem between its shoulder blades was marred with sickly gray spots. It was impossible to tell what it used to be. 

 

Blue Diamond plucked it from the ground. She held it for a moment. She watched it dart around, cupping her hands together when it almost fell off the edge. 

 

Then she clapped her hands together with a thundering boom. Wisps of violet vapor drifted from between her fingers, and then the last traces of the creature vanished.

 

The shards were thrown to the ocean. So far away, they vanished from sight before they hit the water. 

 

"How dare it come here," She said from beneath her hood, turning to Pink Diamond's palanquin. "After what it did?" 

 

Pearl could see only the smallest corner of her face, but it was enough to see her lips turn up. "Although, it was good to see its form matched the monster it always was."

 

* * *

 

 She would have feathers now, Pearl thought. Something soft. Like the billowing lace she always wore. 

 

Pearl used to clutch her lace sometimes. When she was worried, or frightened. Her hair didn't afford her much peripheral vision. She needed touch to reassure herself. To know that there was still someone by her side. Every time, White would cover Pearl's fist with her hand and she wouldn't feel like she needed to hold on so tightly anymore.

 

She thought about reaching out to Yellow once. When there was no one else. She stopped herself halfway there. Yellow would probably tell her off for wrinkling something. 

 

Maybe she would have a beak, like the flying creatures on Earth. That would be fitting. When she danced, it looked like she wasn't even touching the ground. Pearl used to feel so clumsy next to her. Even when she was standing still, even when she was exhausted or hurt or simmering with rage, White exuded grace.

 

Her gem would be blotched, like the beast from the beach. It wouldn't have a multicolored shine anymore. It would not even be white. It would be dull. Dirtied. She wouldn't know or care to clean the grime off it. 

 

She wouldn't care about anything at all. 

 

* * *

 

 Standing with Yellow was lonely. With no Diamonds talking over them, the silence between them stood out more. They were never quiet when there were four of them. White loved to talk about the planets she had visited and what she had seen in space. Yellow would boast about Yellow Diamond's victories and their colonization efforts. Pearl always had gossip from meetings with their allies and enemies alike. And Pink... Pink seemed to glow with every word they said. They could barely get through a sentence without her asking one of them a question. 

 

"Do you ever think about them?" She asked one day.

 

"Who?"

 

Pearl glanced to her left and right, where two more pearls should be.

 

" _Them?_ Why should I?" 

 

"I just... don't you miss them?"

 

Yellow squared her shoulders, keeping her eyes trained straight ahead. "Pink died at the side of her Diamond. If we were in her position, we could only hope to be so lucky."

 

"And...." Pearl glanced to Yellow's right. 

 

Yellow's gaze broke, and her head snapped to look directly at Pearl. " _Her?_ She betrayed her Diamond, our empire, and... us! It's  _her fault_ Pink got shattered at all! 

 

Pearl's face heated. Her mouth opened, but was at a loss for anything to say. She could blame Rose Quartz for what happened. She  _did_ blame Rose Quartz for what happened. She  _hated_ her for it. For Pink's shattering, the shambles their empire was left in. For Blue Diamond's depression, and the second hand torment she forced on Pearl herself. Even, just a little, for capturing White's heart so long ago. For leading her away. 

 

She had never considered the idea that things would have gone any differently, if White hadn't left with her.

 

Yellow's eyes narrowed at her hesitation, shining with a hot glint. " _You_ don't miss her, do you?" 

 

Words were still eluding her, but Yellow expected an answer. The right answer. Pearl's fingers brushed at her gem, took a deep breath, and forced her shaky voice. "No. I don't."

 

"Good," Yellow finally looked away from her, assuming her original stoic stance. "We're all better off without her."

 

Pearl nodded, desperately trying to control the quaking of her knees. 

* * *

 

 When Pearl heard that Rose Quartz was alive, she was robbed of any coherent thought. All she could feel was rage.

 

How dare she be alive? The sole survivor of a war  _she started._ The one who broke two diamonds with the trust of a single sword. The one who took so much from her.  _It wasn't fair._

 

The news twisted in her mind. It took some time. It took mulling over. But, slowly, a realization came to her.

  
It would have been just, if Rose Quartz had faced the moment of corruption. She deserved no better than to be a mindless, nameless monster on a condemned planet. It would have been fitting. But at least she would have been destroyed with her army. There was honor in that. A hero's fate, from some perspectives. 

 

There was no respect in surviving. There was no glory in hiding, and failing to hide. Being captured. Being dragged back to the planet she had abandoned and fought against. Put on trial, and executed by the word of the law. 

 

It was not the fate of a hero. It was a  _coward's_ death. That was what Rose Quartz truly deserved. 

 

And, if Pearl was lucky, she would get to see it happen. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
